Time to Move On

I knew from the moment I got out of the bus from the airport last week that Aix had changed - it was warm enough at night to go without a coat and the trees that had all looked dead the week before were now full of yellow-green leaves creating a beautiful canopy over the Cours Mirabeau. Now, a week later, the French students have all returned from vacation and more tourists have started showing up, filling the streets during the day. For the first few days I was back, it was really just about getting through each day and finishing what I needed to for class since I was so exhausted. But as I got caught up on sleep and the last full weekend approached, I started thinking about hanging out with people here for the last time, all the things I wanted to do when I came and what I actually had done.

It's strange - everyone I've made friends with here has become better friends with someone else. So even those I feel closest to aren't really people I get to hang out with that much. I knew this past weekend would be my last chance to really spend time with some of them though, so I decided to go to them and join the groups going out drinking or dancing. On Thursday night, I headed out with Erin and Meghan to a pub called the Red Clover. We each had a drink and sat and chatted for a bit and then followed a bunch of other people we had run into from school to a Tapas restaurant a few blocks away. Another group, including a couple friends I was hoping to see, was already there and had just been given a free bottle of champagne by the relatively perverted restaurant owner who was constantly shouting "I LOVE AMERICANS!!! WOOHOO!" and trying to kiss everyone. He was weird. After the group finished their champagne, we headed back home. Friday was the opening night of the art exhibition for another art program that's related to IAU so we all went to that before going home for dinner. After dinner, I was thinking about going out with Erin again, but she left without me and I wasn't about to chase after her. I wasn't entirely surprised that she left without me - it's not that I wasn't invited because Meghan called a few minutes later to see where we were, thinking that I was coming. Erin just assumed I didn't really want to go since I really haven't gone out all semester. Fair enough, I guess, but it definitely made me realize that I'm just an acquaintance to all but one or two people here, and maybe even those as well, but at least I'll try to keep in touch with a few.

I will say that Saturday was awesome, but in an effort not to mar Saturday with any of this stuff, it's getting it's own post so I'll get back to that. I spent all of Sunday hanging around the apartment and reading on the balcony as the rain came down in an intermittent drizzle. I realized that I haven't been in the greatest mood since I got back and the more I thought about it, the more I felt I was ready to be done here. I'll miss Aix, but I wouldn't be able to get any more out of this experience if it stayed this way. I would have to switch schools, move to an apartment, get a job or have some sort of major change to get a new perspective. As it stands now, I've learned what I can from my classes and beyond that, I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything here. It's time to go home where I can actually DO something.

I wonder how much of these feelings are my mind's way of making the separation easier. I don't want this to end on a negative note, but little things keep happening that are just disappointing. We had our art show tonight including paintings from everyone in my class and the full-time art students. Paintings were displayed both inside and outside of the studio. Inside was all full-time work and some was outside as well, hung under branches of trees and overhangs on buildings so that they wouldn't get wet in the rain. My class' art was hung on plywood boards behind the second shed and over a muddy ditch - many of the people who came didn't know it was there until you pointed it out to them and by the end of the show the cardboard paintings were slowly coming off the wood as the rain soaked in. It's not like they were poor quality either - all were just as good as at least half of the full-time pieces. And as I left, paintings and art supplies in hand - clearly a student, three of the full-time students thanked me for coming. It was my show too, dumbass!

*sigh* It's supposed to be gray and rainy all week. I often enjoy the rain if I have nothing to do, but this week, I have plenty to do and I'm dreading these finals. Hopefully, once school is over, I'll be able to spend the last couple days walking around and enjoying the city the way it's meant to be enjoyed - at a leisurely pace with coffee and crepes. I certainly want to end this on a high note since it seems events and places are often remembered by the way they're finished.